Summer day 11
There haven’t been a shortage of fun moments the last couple days, the big black dog has just been hanging around a little more. Last night I had some serious health anxiety kick in and didn’t get much sleep. To be fair, my shoulder really has been injured. I think I have been injuring my rotator cuffs by sleeping with one of my arms extended under me, all the way out. It’s often the only way I can fall asleep. I am not kidding, I’m asking for a MedCline pillow for Christmas. I’ve already wanted one for a couple years. I definitely have impulse buy problems, but somehow it doesn’t tend to be the things that would really actually benefit me.
In any event, it takes anxiety like that a while to fall off. Sam has been taking really excellent care of me, and I am trying to go easy on myself. I often feel like I am always in touch with my emotions and—if not in control of them—very even. Then there are other times when things just get out of my control. I guess that’s why they are disorders and disabilities. Summer can be a depression pit fall. I’ve been wondering today about whether I am that regulated and in tune, or if I just have done a really good job tailoring my life to avoid uncomfortable things. Summer is a wide open space; I see and feel a lot of things in these slower times that I normally wouldn’t. I think I want to sit with that and try to look it more in the face this summer.